Cemetery Selection Guide for Families

If your end-of-life plans involve a burial, cemetery selection can be one of the hardest decision-making processes you go through. There are many factors to consider when choosing the right cemetery for you and/or your loved ones and it can be a stressful process. It will be, after all, your final resting place. Once you’re six feet under, there’s no relocating to a nicer neighborhood.

If you’re like me before I was forced into choosing a place for Kris, you might assume that all cemeteries are similar. Such is not the case. As noted by Memorial Planning, “Some only offer certain types of burial options, some have mausoleums or scattering gardens while others don't, some have religious statues or specific areas for children or nature hikes. Some overlook a city or are nestled in far away privacy.”

While pre-arranging and prepaying for a burial plot is an option, Kris and I had not done this before she became sick and died. In fact, the first time it ever crossed my mind was when the mortician asked me after Kris has passed away, “What cemetery will she be buried in?” Umm…

We spent the next 24 – 48 hours touring cemeteries. Strangely, it felt a lot like house hunting. Our “agent”, the mortician, called around to the various cemeteries to arrange a visit with the “seller’s agent”, the cemetery caretakers, who would then show us different plots that were available in their cemetery. We would walk around the plot, check out the view, see who the neighbors would be, talk about the pros and cons of each location, then leave to see the next cemetery.

After visiting five or six locations, we finally settled on the one we wanted. Below are several of the common factors that we considered in our choice.

Location, Location, Location

Location was probably the most important factor for us. I wanted to choose a cemetery that was close to where we live because I knew that I would find comfort in visiting the grave from time to time. Because everyone grieves differently, some don’t feel that same peace visiting a loved one’s grave. Katie, for example, feels no connection to Dave’s grave. For her, it’s the resting place of his body, but he and his personality, his charm, his character, and everything else that she loves about him, is not there. So, while she’ll visit the site occasionally if she’s close by, she doesn’t make planned trips to the grave site.

I, on the other hand, will occasionally plan my morning running route to go past the cemetery. On one occasion about two months after Kris had died, I was running with a group of friends when I felt compelled to break off and run to the cemetery. While paying my respects, I had a deeply meaningful and comforting experience that I often reflect on when I’m feeling down. I’m thankful we settled on a cemetery that is close.

Cost

Cost was certainly a factor. Because we had not pre-purchased plots, we had to pay the going rate. We quickly discovered that the rates for plots in the different cemeteries vary significantly depending on the location, size, maintenance schedule, views, etc. For the plots we looked at, rates were anything from $800 to $10,000 or more. While we didn’t consider it because of its location, one of the biggest and nicest cemeteries in the Portland area has plots that go for as much as $100,000.

Landscape

Each cemetery has its own landscaping and maintenance plans. Those that are always green and pristine are cared for regularly by staff. Other cemeteries rely on volunteers to do periodic landscaping, which can sometimes leave the area looking a bit haggard when a long time passes between volunteer group service projects. The cemetery we settled on has a combination of both. They conduct basic maintenance duties paid for by membership dues from the owners (the families of the deceased), but also rely on the members and other volunteer groups to periodically do the deep cleaning of the cemetery. This was especially appealing to us because we knew that the cemetery would never look too jungle-y, but it also provided church, youth, and civic groups important service opportunities. Our church, in fact, has helped with maintenance projects at the cemetery a few times since Kris was buried there. It’s been fun to be up there cleaning with fellow parishioners and have them discover our headstone, “Hey, it’s Kris and Corey!”

Other Family

When a family has established roots in an area for many years and generations, oftentimes people will be interred in the same cemetery as parents, grandparents, and other family members. Much of my father’s family grew up in Victor, Idaho, a small town in the Teton Valley and many family members are buried in its cemetery. My dad’s parents relocated to Oregon, but when my grandmother died, they sent her body back to Victor for the burial service.

Ambiance

Another factor for us was the ambiance of the surrounding area. We dismissed one cemetery because it butts up to a nearby highway and visitors would constantly hear the traffic. Another was in a beautiful location with a fantastic view, but there was a home development happening nearby. On the day we visited you could hear the hammers and saws working away. It made me wonder if in five to ten years the cemetery would be surrounded by homes with the gorgeous views blocked.

Selecting a location can be a hard decision, especially if you have a lot of people voicing their opinions. The place we settled on for Kris was a cemetery we didn’t even know existed until a friend mentioned it. Her timing was impeccable because we’d already seen the others and didn’t feel enthused about any of them. But when we visited Pleasant View Cemetery, we immediately fell in love with it. It had the right combination of being close to home, a nice view, a decent maintenance plan, and it came at a price with which we were comfortable.

All the best,

Corey

ACTION ITEM:

• If you have not settled on where you’d like to be buried, talk with your family about it and begin to go see some of the different available options.

• Talk to the cemetery about pre-purchasing a plan that would allow you to secure a desired spot at today’s prices, potentially saving you thousands of dollars when you do finally die.