Life’s Last To-Do List: Communicating End-of-Life Plans with Your Children

Once you’ve created your end-of-life plans, it’s important to inform your children. They will appreciate the work you’ve done, knowing it will drastically reduce what they’ll need to do after you’re gone. Communicating your plans also gives them the chance to ask questions and seek clarity about your wishes. This should help minimize any family disagreements about what should be done later.

Timing of the Conversation

Ideally, these conversations take place when you and your partner are in good health. If you wait until a crisis emerges or a terminal illness is diagnosed, emotions may be too high for the discussion to be effective. Starting early allows for a calm, thoughtful exchange.

Underage Kids vs. Adult Kids

The age and maturity of your children will dictate how much you share and how you share it. With adult children, you can usually be more open, honest, and detailed about your plans. For younger children, simplify the message. Focus on how you’ve planned for their future, reassuring them that they’ll be taken care of. Adolescents and teens, being more inquisitive, may handle more information, especially if you’ve already talked to them about death and dying. For tips on how to do that, see this blog post.

How to Make the Conversation Less Scary

Talking about death can be intimidating, but there are ways to make it less daunting. Start by framing it as a conversation about “future plans” rather than specifically about end-of-life plans. Involve your children in the planning process—ask for their input, which can lead to meaningful discussions. For adult children, consider inviting them to make their own plans alongside yours. This collaborative approach can ease the fear and make the conversation more constructive.

Having the Conversation in a Family Council Style Format

Getting the family together for a group discussion can make the conversation less intimidating for everyone. It also provides a way for multiple family members to hear your wishes, reducing the likelihood of confusion or disputes later. This setting encourages open dialogue and ensures that everyone is on the same page.

Revisiting the Conversation

Remember to revisit these discussions from time to time. Life circumstances change, so as you update your plans, keep your family informed. Regular check-ins can reinforce the importance of the plans and keep everyone aligned.

Involving a Professional

You might also consider bringing a professional into the discussion, such as your attorney or a mediator. A third party can help keep emotions in check and clarify any complex concepts. They can also provide an impartial perspective, which may be beneficial if sensitive topics arise.

Katie’s Story

Katie’s parents, both in good health, called all their children (who were all over the age of 50) to their family cabin for a weekend to share their end-of-life plans. Although the kids felt a little nervous about the meeting, it ended with lots of love and laughter. Now, everyone has peace of mind, knowing that their parents’ affairs are in order—a priceless gift for which they’re all grateful.

We encourage you to offer the same gift to your kids. If you’ve already had this conversation, how did it go? What was the experience like for you? Share your thoughts with us at this link.

Cheers!

Corey

P.S. Don’t forget to check out our free downloads to help in your personal end-of-life planning.