When Thinking About the 'Unthinkable' Feels Too Hard — 5 Ways to Start Planning Anyway
Planning for “what-if” can be an emotional process. Your mind may wander to questions like: Who would pick up my kids from school? How will they get to the doctor? Who would provide emotional support when a child loses a ballgame or when your teenager experiences their first heartbreak? Thinking about life without your spouse’s physical, mental, and emotional support can also be overwhelming.
All of these thoughts and emotions make it really easy to put off proper planning for your family. In this week’s blog post, we discuss the top five tips about how to manage these emotions so that they don’t get in the way of actually making your what-if plans.
Start Planning Early—When It’s Not Urgent: The absolute best advice we have is to create your what-if plans when everyone is healthy. It’s so much easier to talk about death when it’s not at your doorstep and you’re not rushed to make decisions under stress. Years before Kris got sick, a date-night conversation somehow turned to what people might think of us as they went through our belongings after we were gone. I don’t remember what we were worried people might find, but I do remember that it made us bust up in laughter thinking about it.
Use Your Emotions as a Reminder to Be Present: Thinking about what you might miss can be a great reminder to prioritize family time now—whether it’s a spontaneous day off with the kids or making sure to document special moments together.
Use the Conversation to Deepen Your Connection: Sometimes the routine of a relationship and life in general prevents us from having more meaningful conversations. Few conversations are more vulnerable than discussing your fears of death and the legacy you want to leave behind.. Embracing your emotions can motivate you to get your affairs in order as a token of love for the family you leave behind.
Listen Without Judgment—Your Fears Are Valid: Be open and honest. Your partner’s concerns may be different from yours, and that’s okay. Some people worry about logistics, while others worry about emotional impact. Both perspectives matter. Nothing will shut down the planning process faster than if one of you is feeling ridiculed for your vulnerability.
Support Each Other, Even If You’re Not Ready Yet: Even if you’re not ready to dive in, acknowledge your partner’s feelings and find small ways to contribute—like organizing paperwork or simply being open to discussion.
We hope that you find these tips helpful. If emotions are getting in the way of planning for your family, be brave and start the conversation today. It doesn’t have to be a formal or heavy conversation. Start light with a question like, “If you could choose your last meal on earth, what would it be?” And go from there.
We promise that talking about it won’t bring on bad things. It can instead lead to meaningful conversation and action that will be a blessing to you and your family.
Corey
P.S. Want more strategies to help with end-of-life planning? Sign up to receive email notifications when new tips are posted: https://www.affairsinorder.com/stay-informed
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