Planning for Post-Death Healing Expenses
Grief is hard and it can make people do and say things that are not typically in their character. Managing grief in a way that allows you to continue to function can also require additional help from a variety of resources, some of which may cost money.
In this week’s tip, we’ll examine some of the additional post-death expenses that you may want to factor into your end-of-life planning financial plan. These are expenditures that are above and beyond what most people think of when it comes to “death expenses,” such as funeral/burial/cremation, medical bills, and legal expenses to execute a will or trust.
Most of the additional expenses we’re talking about fall into one of three categories:
Professional Help
Practical Investments
Self-Care
Professional Help
For me, professional help came in the form of seeing a grief therapist. Three or four months after Kris’s death I found that I wasn’t sleeping well and had a variety of thoughts and emotions stirring within me that I couldn’t sort out and reconcile on my own. I found a counselor with whom I connected and being able to share what was on my mind was incredibly helpful.
While mental health can take a big hit when grieving, so can one’s physical health. When you’re in that fog-like state of mind it’s easy to forget to eat right and exercise. As one heals, the realization of the toll that grief has had on the body motivates people to join a gym, hire a trainer, or start a new diet, all of which may be expenses you might not have incurred if your loved one were still alive.
Practical Investments
These are products or services that can improve your day-to-day living situation. Examples of these kinds of expenditures may include paying off debt or remodeling a home. One widow in our support group said she paid off a business loan, replaced the roof on her home, and invested in a life insurance policy. Another said she bought a car, paid off debt, replaced the garage door, and built a new deck in the back yard. While all of these investments are things that may have happened over time, they can become incredibly powerful investments to help bring peace back into their lives.
Self-Care
Some may call them splurges, but these types of investments in yourself are also important and can play a critical role in the healing process. Vacations are probably the most common type of expense in this category. Katie found them so helpful after Dave died that she took two international trips in the first year. Following is what a widow in our support group reported:
“About a year after my husband died I went on a 2 week humanitarian trip to Africa. It was life changing for me. It felt so good to be working on a project to help someone else and I made some incredible friends. I had quit my job a few months before my husband died and I just couldn't face going back to work. After that trip, I got a job and started functioning again. It was a huge blessing.”
If you have kids at home, include them in the planning. A trip to Disneyland or maybe a dream summer camp may be just as important to them as they adjust to a new life.
Another type of self-care that we and other widows and widowers added to our lives was massage therapy. For the first few months, the ache I felt for physical touch was almost palpable and massage therapy helped fill that need.
Because we don’t know when the death of a loved one will take place, it’s hard to plan for any specific expenditure. However, as you develop your financial plan, add in money to allow for some of these kinds of activities and investments.
If you’re a couple, think big and support each other in what you want to do. Talk about what you might find healing if the other should die first. One of you might want a dream trip to Europe, while the other may want to buy and fix up a classic hot rod. If you communicate well in advance and plan for such activities, knowing your spouse supported you in this activity makes it easier to actually do it when the time comes.
