Top Myths and Mistakes of Advance Directives

There were two outcomes that I know were important to Kris regarding her end-of-life care, and I will forever regret not being a better advocate to make sure those desires were honored.

1.     Not die in the hospital – Kris was a very private person who felt safe and loved in her home, whether it was our own or the one she grew up in. She didn’t want her last moments to be in an unfamiliar place surrounded by strangers.

2.     Be an organ donor – She was a giver.  She constantly gave her time and talents to help others and organ donation was one last offering she could make.

The reasons why those wishes didn’t happen are a topic for another blog, but my guilt motivates me to share the top misconceptions and mistakes about advance directives that might help you and your loved ones avoid my same fate. 

Misconceptions

• Myth: "My loved ones will know what I want." 
  Reality: If you’ve ever been in any kind of relationship, you know that expecting your partner to read your mind only leads to misunderstandings and resentment.   When it comes to your healthcare, spell it out.  Get it in writing and talk about it.

• Myth: "I need a lawyer to create an advance directive."
  Reality: Every state has free forms that you can download and complete without legal assistance to make it valid​, though you may need to get it notarized. Your state’s forms should provide directions on how to complete the form and whether it needs notarization.  Since I’m an Oregon resident, here’s the link to their form.  A quick google search should help you find the form for another state.  It’s likely that your hospital or health insurance company will also carry them.

• Myth: “I'm too young or healthy to need an advance directive."
  Reality: Kris and I fell for this myth, as neither of us had one before she was diagnosed.  And to my knowledge she never completed the form after she was diagnosed.  Understandably, she probably didn’t act on requests to complete one out of spite.  It was her way of not letting cancer dictate her life.  Regrettably, however, had she completed the form, we may have had more support from the doctors and nurses to honor the two wishes mentioned at the beginning of this blog.
  
  In addition, advance directives aren’t just for end-of-life scenarios.  They can be helpful for temporary incapacitation.  For example, I fear addiction to opioids.  So if I’m in a minor accident and am incapacitated momentarily but expected to make a full recovery, I don’t want certain pain medications to be given to me. 

Don't leave your loved ones guessing—download the advance directive form today and start the conversation.

If you’ve already completed an advance directive, great job, but your work is not yet done.  Completing the form is only part of how you make sure your wishes are honored. 

Mistakes

• Failing to share and discuss the plan with loved ones:
  The odds that you experience the exact scenarios mentioned in the advance directive form are slim.  However, discussing why you answered the questions the way you did will give your family greater insights into your wishes that they can then adapt to whatever health situation​ you might be in that requires them to advocate on your behalf.

• Failing to share and discuss the plan with your doctors:
  As mentioned above, had Kris and I done more to educate her medical care team about her wishes to not die in a hospital and to be an organ donor, I wonder if they could have helped make sure those wishes were honored.

• Choosing the wrong health care advocate:
  Often times people choose a health care advocate for the wrong reasons. For example, one client said she felt obligated (and guilted into) choosing her oldest daughter to be her advocate. The client was uncomfortable doing so because the daughter has a history of making irrational decisions when emotional.  The client feared that the daughter would allow her own emotions to override the client’s end-of-life wishes.  Be thoughtful in who you ask to speak on your behalf when you can’t speak for yourself.  

• Failing to update your directive:
  Like other elements of your end-of-life plan, it’s important to update your advance directive regularly.  Your wishes and circumstances will most likely change as you get older.  For example, your willingness to live as a paraplegic might be different when you have kids still at home versus when you’re in your twilight years.

If you have questions or need some help with your advance directive, let us know. Send us a note here:  https://www.affairsinorder.com/stay-informed

Cheers!

Corey

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