Practical Preparation for your People
One of the ways we simplify the end-of-life preparations process is to break it down into four pillars of preparation (financial, legal, mental/emotional/spiritual, and practical) for three target beneficiaries: your people, your person, and your possessions.
This week our tip focuses on what may be the element of end-of-life planning that most people overlook – the practical preparation of your people, making sure they have the resources and skills to live and care for a household, including all of the chores and tasks that you currently carry out on a regular basis.
For simplicity’s sake, we’re going to address the topic from a couple’s standpoint, though we recognize that not everyone is in that situation. Feel free to adjust or modify your planning in a way that fits your circumstances and those you support best.
It’s also important that you consider the information from two perspectives:
How can I make sure my spouse is prepared to completely take over running the household after I die?
How can I prepare myself to manage the chores and duties my partner currently does after he/she dies?
Practical Living
When we talk about practical living at Prepare Your Affairs, we’re referring to all the normal, day-to-day activities that are required to run a home. Some of these “chores” include grocery shopping, cleaning, yard work, transporting kids to school/activities, paying bills, cooking, laundry, household repairs, car maintenance, renewing insurance policies, helping with homework, planning holiday celebrations, buying gifts, writing thank-you notes, keeping in touch with parents/siblings/grandparents, etc. The list is long.
Each family divides these to-do’s up differently depending on the interests and skills of the spouses. For example, I was an accounting major in college so it made sense for me to pay the bills and balance the checkbook. Kris, on the other hand, was the planner and creator so she was the primary caretaker of the yard and planned memorable birthday and holiday celebrations.
For some families, the division of labor may be a result of working schedules. For a family with two full-time working spouses, more of these chores may be shared depending on work schedules. In a breadwinner/stay-at-home parent situation, the dynamic may be different.
Regardless of how a family evolves into their routines, we find that there are always a few activities that the other spouse would really struggle with if they were fully responsible for getting it done. One of the more common chore challenges is paying the bills. Most families now manage accounts and bills online and often the non-bookkeeping spouse doesn’t know the usernames and passwords to access them.
We highly encourage partners to list what each other does in the family. If you want to make it fun, make a Scattergories-like game out of it. For example, if Katie and I were to play this game, we’d decide to start with one of us, let’s say me. We’d then set a timer and each of us would write down all the things that I do. When the timer dings, we’d compare notes. For each activity we identify that the other doesn’t, we score a point. We’d then do the same thing with the chores Katie does. Whoever scores the most points wins.
You can even break it down further by categorizing chores. For example, list what you each do to get ready for and celebrate the holidays, to create and clean up meals, clean the house, maintain the home, manage the needs of children, etc.
Aside from helping you prepare for that what-if moment, this can be a real eye-opening and bonding experience as you realize what you both do or don’t do to manage the home.
Once you’ve identified what you do for your household, talk with your spouse about how they might make up for your absence after you die. There are essentially three options. They can:
Take over the chore
Hire others to perform the task
Discontinue the job
For any undertaking they want to take over but lack the know-how, now’s the time for them to learn and practice it. Train them and occasionally ask them to assist or even complete this task on their own.
Your insistence on going through this exercise is a token of love that your surviving partner will appreciate far more than they might ever know after you’re gone.
